1. How do I pronounce the groom's last name?
I'm glad you asked this question. I have been dealing with this problem my entire life and I continue to fight the good fight. My last name is Heede. You pronounce the last E. So phonetically speaking, it is Heedy or Heedee or He Dee.
2. What is the bride's first name?
If you answered b) Alyssa, you are right. Any other answer gets you dis-invited.
3. Why Pennsylvania?
Because Skytop is a castle and I consider myself a prince and Alyssa is my little princess and that is what princes and princesses do. They get married in castles.
4. What is the groom's shoe size?
Normally, I wear size 13 shoes. Nike runs a little large, so I wear 12 in Nike. Flip flops, boat shoes, and penny loafers all vary so I like to try them on.
5. Why is the groom so much taller than the bride?
If I were closer to her height we would have to have a step stool in every room to reach the hard to reach places. Personally, I find step stools to be a waste of money. That's why I grew so tall.
6. What makes Alyssa so darn beautiful?
Well, just like the old saying goes little girls are made of "sugar and spice and everything nice." Alyssa is made up of all of that plus a few secret ingredients that I'm not exactly at liberty to discuss. Alyssa would kill me. Plus, I don't know her little secret. She doesn't tell me everything. My theory is that she found the fountain of youth because she still gets IDed everywhere we go and complete strangers think she's fresh out of high school. But that's just a theory.
7. Why isn't Peanut in the wedding party?
Peanut is an attention junky. She craves the spotlight and needs everyone's eyes on her. Since Alyssa and I want most of the attention at our wedding on us, with an 80/20 split favoring Alyssa, that leaves no attention for Peanut. She would never be okay with that. Peanut would undoubtedly make some sort of scene and have to be escorted from the premises by Skytop police. Since we plan on avoiding all of this drama, Peanut is not even invited. Sorry Nut.
8. Why do I go to the movies so often?
Alyssa is a cinephile. I need to go to the movies in order to keep the relationship going. There is nothing I can do to curb Alyssa's love of film. I find her love and knowledge of movies to be quite alluring.
9. What is Rambo's first name?
The answer is c) John. If you answered this question wrong, you are not a true patriot. You need to stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance and hum The Star Spangled Banner. Afterwards, you will be allowed to rejoin the wedding guests.
10. How was I able to land such a catch as Alyssa?
Luck and timing and the stars aligned, I told a great joke and my hair looked really good that day, my clothes were freshly pressed and the odor eaters were working overtime. Besides all of that, Peanut didn't growl at me, I remembered the Axe, I brushed my teeth three times that day, there was plenty of change in my pockets, my political views were quite moderate at the time, and the sun was shining too.
I'm sure some or all or none of the above had something to do with it; haven't really figured it out yet.